i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
