there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
