While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
