The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
We just shotgunned beers for America
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
