OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
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