Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
