I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
