i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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