Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Randomize
