when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Boobs are out for the taking
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
