the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
