i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
