woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
