guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
cat food counts as protein by the way
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
