hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
He felt like a one man threesome
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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