well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
