She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
