so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
