On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
