I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
