I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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