Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Dicks are not precious.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
