when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Randomize
