Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
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