A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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