and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
