Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
