why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
