You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I am available for nakedness
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Randomize
