You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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