you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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