You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
