It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Randomize
