i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
