I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
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