I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
