home. puking in laundry basket.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
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