my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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