Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
