Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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