I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
