yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
