He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
