How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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