Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
