Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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