She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
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