But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Four minutes until I can fart!
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize
