yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Randomize
