Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
This is not my ceiling
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
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