this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Randomize
