Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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