Too much gin, very little bucket
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
